Her Majestie's Last Closeted Mongol Mountie

international | rights, freedoms and repression | other press Saturday April 07, 2012 06:27 by BrianClarkeNUJ - AllVoices

" Wild and Wacky Northern Ireland "

Mounties were apparently well-bred Englishmen defending the ideals of the British empire according to English writers. However. that's not exactly how writers from the rest of the world see them, with their history of shootouts and extra-judiciary killing and kidnapping. The Mountie according to Brit writers could ride into a hostile native American camp and arrest a chief 's son without raising his weapon, because of a violent reputation of power. residing not in himself but in the history of the British Empire he symbolized.

Her Majesty's Last Closeted Mongol Mountie

Mounties were apparently well-bred Englishmen defending the ideals of the British empire according to English writers. However that's not exactly how writers from the rest of the world see them with their history of shootouts and extra-judiciary killing and kidnapping. The Mountie according to Brit writers could ride into a hostile native American camp and arrest a chief 's son without raising his weapon, because of a violent reputation of power residing not in himself but in the history of the British Empire he symbolized.

A Secretary of State currently on her Majesty's service in occupied Ireland, with a parliamentary record of consistently voting against gay rights, who married into royalty and money, took part in the Mongolian Derby last year the world’s longest horse race across a thousand kilometers of Mongolian Steppes for 10 days, to raise money for the Royal Irish Regiment. Nothing particularly extraordinary about that you might say but this insane Englishman of the horsey set, had to be restrained from continuing to ride on across thousands of kilometers further to meet his beloved fellow Royal Canadian mounties. While restraining him has not been confirmed with others maintaining the restraint was in fact that his wife was actually with him for the race.

On his return to Occupied Ireland with the help of his Chief mountie there, the English born again virgin Baggot kidnapped and interned without trial the highly respected, traditional Irish republican Marian Price, because he claimed, she breached the terms of the licence on which she had been released in 1980. But Marian was not actually on licence. She received a full royal pardon or “Royal Prerogative of Mercy” when she was freed in 1980 because she was on the brink of death after being force fed in an English prison for 200 days. When he was told about this, he then proceeded to tell the world that the Royal pardon had been lost or shredded, the only such occurrence in the long history of Royal pardons

Now many human and civil rights activists worldwide are pretty sceptical about all of this and as veteran campaigner Eamonn McCann put it;

" There are many people - by no means all of them sympathetic to Price's politics - who are quite prepared to disbelieve this.

Others will find it impossible to believe that a Secretary of State could supply incorrect and misleading information in a fraught and sensitive case. But, oh yes, he could.

But this is wild and wacky Northern Ireland, where normal rules don't apply, where due process is optional and, at the whim of a politician, where anything goes."

"would appear to fall within the concept of perverting the course of justice".

Perverting the course of justice in both English, Irish and even Canadian law, is a criminal offence in which someone prevents justice from being served on himself or on another party carrting a sentence of life imprisonment.

Perverting the course of justice can be any of three acts:

1) Fabricating or disposing of evidence

2) Intimidating or threatening a witness or juror

3) Intimidating or threatening a judge

Also criminal are (a) conspiring with another to pervert the course of justice and (b) intending to pervert the course of justice.

You see in the Occupied Ireland of Her Majesty's English Secretary's of state, Snidley Whiplash and Dudley always change hats, in this instance where Dudley is an insane super-villain and Whiplash the fearless royal mountie who usually a medal for bringing the evil Dudley Do-Right in or for kidnapping galpal. Don't know what I am on about, just hop on to your Irish mountie log and check how Dudley kidnaps Nell on top of his horse. You'll have a coaster ride past bad jokes and often sudden wet drops. You'll be "fit to be tied" before the finish, if you don't get how pythonesque it all is.

From an enclosed darkness, where the light at the end of the political tunnel is a train heading your way and your only escape a deep drop in the darkness below into exploding dynamite, to shoot back up, where you float past an interned Nell. You'll see fake posters of "Paw Wars" or "Three Men and a Grizzly" You're not even safe even after you're done, because a Mountie always gets his man fortunately for the better half not always his woman in the end. Anyone else get the feeling this boy tries just too hard !

Oh here are the lyrics

Pervert Patter & Born Again Baggot Want Real Ireland Closeted

I didn't want to get married, I wanted to be... a lumberjack!

Pervert Patter

I didn't want to get married, I wanted to be... a lumberjack!
Leaping from tree to tree, as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia. The Giant Redwood. The Larch. The Fir! The mighty Scots Pine! The lofty flowering Cherry! The plucky little Apsen! The limping Roo tree of Nigeria. The towering Wattle of Aldershot! The Maidenhead Weeping Water Plant! The naughty Leicestershire Flashing Oak! The flatulent Elm of West Ruislip! The Quercus Maximus Bamber Gascoigni! The Epigillus! The Barter Hughius Greenus!

With my best buddy by my side, we'd sing! Sing! Sing!

[singing]
I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day.

Baggots :
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

Pervert Patter :
I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea.

Baggots:

He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

Pervert Patter :

I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars.

Baggots :

He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars?!

He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

:

I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear Papa.

Baggots:

He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra?!

[talking]
What's this? Wants to be a girlie?! Oh, My!
And I thought you were so rugged! Pervert!...

[singing]
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

He's a lumberjack, and he's okaaaaay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day.

Stay insane a chara !

Caption: Video Id: jld1_lFB9iA Type: Youtube Video
Monty Python Mountie Barber