"I'm Sorry!" Drunk With Brian Cowen in Dublin

national | consumer issues | news report

Wednesday September 15, 2010 19:42

by Seán Ryan and Madam K

A man of the people. Flawed yes. But a man of the people all the same. Some alcohol, some nudity and some public urination, we take to the streets with Brian Cowen to say sorry.

Getting the raw Cowen

We caught up with the slightly inebriated Mr Cowen today as he staggered amongst the common people. He's genuinely sorry. The poor man made his way from person to person, laying it all on the line for them. He's only human. He's got to save over €3 billion in December's budget and he demonstrated today that the poor will not be the sole victims in this. He produced a paper cup and in the two hours or so that we spent with him, collected significant funds to offset December's targets.

Nobody could spend time with Brian without querying the mysteries of this misunderstood and enigmatic man. We had lots of questions for him. We first caught up with him in a bar and after he had put his trousers back on he agreed to talk to us.

We first asked him about the giveaway of Irish resources to Shell and the Shell to Sea campaign. Of particular interest was the thorny issue of CAOs (Compulsory Acquisition Orders). After all this is the first time in the history of the State that a private business has been allowed to order people off their land. The Constitution requires that such an order must solve an exigency with regard to the common good. We thought we had Brian by the short and curlies on this one. We were wrong: "This country is fucked... Fianna Fail is fucked... The country's fucked because Fianna Fail is fucked. That's a fuckin' exigency. If I can make Shell happy then I'll be happy and thus, Fianna Fail will be happy. Emergency over..." He said that he supports the Shell to Sea campaign. It keeps the gardaí occupied and physically fit, he told us. When asked did he support the campaign of physical violence and criminalisation against the group he said: "Sure they're fuckin' hippies, they love that..."

When asked to comment about the Road Through Tara Project, Brian replied that too many people are caught up in the past and said that "the future is in the future." A couple of points later and after a brief session on the floor where this great man shed tears for his country he sobbed that he loves Tara and that it was very important to worship and care for those who owned the land upon which the road was built.

What about Extraordinary Rendition being facilitated in Shannon Airport we asked him. "We have high quality assurances from our best friends in the US," he told us. "Better and more heartfelt assurances than anyone they lied to." Who couldn't be convinced by the openness and clarity of this besieged and broken man? We wept. We wept with him and drank some more. Then it was time to take to the streets. To meet the common man. Brian wanted to personally apologise.

Brian hit Grafton Street with a vengeance and after picking himself up, set about the task of connecting with the people. Armed with a paper cup, to help fund December's budget, a little blackboard to communicate his apology to those who couldn't hear his bellowing and a commitment to the electorate, Brian staggered through the throngs, telling anyone who'd listen, that he was sorry.

He's sorry for the "fuck up" that is NAMA. Gambling addiction is an illness he told people. He said that we shouldn't judge people on account of their illnesses. "We should love them unconditionally," he sobbed. At this point he needed to lie down for a while. Many passers by were seen to wipe years from their eyes as they passed the sobbing wreck. It wasn't just cheap emotion either. Many tightened their belts and gave generously, patriotically throwing coppers into Brian's cup. You could see the love. You could smell it.

This is not an exercise in spin on behalf of Brian. Far from it. Brian doesn't wobble his way out of this a sober and forgiven man. He lurches forward, urinates publicly and says he's sorry. That's not perfection. That's human and that's leadership.

As we left Brian to his fate we witnessed one last act. He stopped up, face first and dug greatly into the budget cup to give generously to a young lady collecting for animal rights. "This is for John... John Gormley... I fuckin' love that man," Brian told the A-Liberation activist. We could take no more. To stay longer would be to risk being blinded by greatness. Brian's sorry. And we're sorry for ever doubting him.

Many thanks to Agnieszka Chojnacka for some of the photos